*All of our episode recaps contain spoilers*
There comes a time in your life when you know that things will never be the same; when you know that your life will forever be divided into two parts – before and after. For me, that time came in this episode. So long I lived in ignorance, unaware of how much better my life could be. But now I know. I have experienced a drunken Veronica Hastings, and I will never look back.
Well, after I recap the episode I won’t look back. ‘Last dance’ began with not one, not two, not three, but all four mothers! With the end nigh, could it be that the writers are getting sentimental? In light of the gallery show, the girls were officially banned from attending prom AND commencement. The school board decided that their attendance would endanger the other students’ safety, to which Aria had an excellent idea; “Well then fill the ballroom with police. It’s fairy tale theme, they can come as the village idiots”. Mind. Blown. Sadly, the maternal foursome chose to further traumatise their daughters. Three words, one nightmare – Backyard Barn Prom.
Let us quickly compare the pros and cons.; Enchanted Forest VS Cursed Barn. If they went to the EF prom, “everyone would just stare at us like we were in some fish bowl”. But the CB prom is in a barn. “We already know that Charles has some twisted thing with formals”, so they wouldn’t be safe at the EF prom. But the CB prom is in a barn. The CB prom has a better guest list, but “that barn is not big enough for us, our dates, and our poofy dresses”. So, draw?
Regarding the guest list, we gained one and lost two. Caleb went to New York to do a job with his dad, or so he said. Sara’s old school had prom the same day, so she rejected Emily; and Ezra offered to go with Aria, telling her “If you want me there, I will be there”. Is it wrong that I am happier about Ezra going to prom than Aria winning the fellowship? I feel like I should be ashamed, but she was happier about him as well. In fact, she was only happy about him. When Ella told her she won, she erupted with ‘what ifs’ and conspiracies. Mama M’s solution – “You need a sandwich”. That is why she got your turn, Byron. Top-class parenting.
So, we have Ezria, Ha from Haleb, Emily, Spoby, Alison and maybe Lorenzo. Both he and Toby are suspended indefinitely, but only Toby has made amends with his troublesome partner. A cupid with plasters instead of arrows, Spencer spoke to Lorenzo in Ali’s defence. She told him “I have been used and abused by that girl more times than I can possibly count. But she has changed. Alison never had anyone like you in her whole life. Somebody who saw something in her that was vulnerable, that was genuine”. Erm, nothing vulnerable or genuine existed in Alison until now Spencer. How can we see what isn’t there? And how can we not see what Ali sees in Charles? She received the following text from brother dearest, ‘Better be at prom. It’s our last chance to dance. Come alone. Xo Charles’. I’m not up to date with textspeak nowadays; does XO mean ‘I am sorry for torturing you. You can trust me. I am no longer a crazy person’?
It turns out a barn prom is just four inebriated chaperones and Instagram stalking; and by chaperones, I do not mean chaperones. Mothers and daughters alike spent the first part of their evening gossiping, at which a sauced Veronica EXCELS. Tongue loosened, inhibitions lowered, resentment weaponised – it was wonderful. We went from bitchy ‘Oh please, you can’t compare yourself to that family. Lying is like oxygen to them”, to upset “Believe me, it was easier telling it than living it”, to angry “As if it wasn’t bad enough that this bitch tried to steal my husband. But her sicko son had to bury her in our backyard”, to cuckoo for coco puffs. As for Pam, she is a fellow conspirator! Her theory is that Kenneth killed Jessica in an act of revenge for keeping Charles’s existence a secret. Hmm, I don’t think so. Nor do I think “he wanted Peter to discover the body”, Ashley. Such rookies.
One drunken theory and Veronica was on her way to Papa D’s house to question him. He wasn’t there, but we did learn something. If you say his name more than three times, Rhys shows up. In case you hadn’t noticed yet, he looks like a DiLaurentis. Don’t thank me, thank Ella. When Rhys asked “Are any of you part of the DiLaurentis family?”, she responded “Are you?”. Then, when Ashley told the mothers that Hanna thinks the Carissimi group is connected to Charles, she said “I think we just met Charles”. And finally, while they were looking for pictures of Charlie, she questioned “How much more do you need to see? They clearly share the same DNA”. For the love of god, we get it. They look the same.
I don’t know about you, but after six seasons, when there is a ‘DON’T GO IN THERE’ moment, I am more ‘Meh’. So when the foursome followed a noise into the basement, I just shook my head. Even if they were sober, they weren’t going escape. Their predicament led Ashley to wonder “How did they get through it? Our girls… they went through this and much worse”. Oh, Mama Marin, you have no idea.
Nor did they, or the cops on guard duty, have any idea that the girls went to the enchanted forest to ‘save’ Ali. An unexpected attendee of the prom was Clark, who was hired as photographer. Aria questioned him as to his presence at the abandoned doll factory, but their conversation was interrupted by a chaperone with a veiled threat. “I suggest you and your pals find the exit – Voluntarily”. I don’t understand; they have barely present parents, useless cops and compassionate teachers protecting them. How were they tortured for years?
Rather than trying to protect Ali, the girls should have helped her find Charles. Don’t get me wrong, I loved watching her walk to a point, stop, look around suspiciously, and then do the same thing again and again. It was thrilling, but Charles’s ambiguous texts were of no aid. “Don’t look for a wolf; seeing red is enough. Time is slipping away help”. “My, what big eyes you have. Use them. Time’s almost up”. For once in your life Charles, would you stop speaking in riddles?
As Ali hunted him, the girls hunted her – much to her anger. “I didn’t ask you guys to follow me here. You’re going to scare him away, just like the arcade”. Oh, so we’re just going to forget that you’re the one who called the cops? Cool, cool. What’s more, she hurt Spencer’s feelings! When Spence begged her to stop, she replied “You don’t get it. You’ve never understood me. You’ve never even liked me”. How very dare her. As Spencer told Toby “We came here to protect her. It’s all any of us have been doing for weeks… years! We basically missed out on our high school experience trying to solve the mystery that is Alison”. Some people are so ungrateful.
That wasn’t the biggest burn of the episode. Oh no, that went to Ezra. Earlier at the barn prom, Aria read a flight confirmation text to LA on Ezra’s phone. While they were slow dancing at the actual prom, she told him that she doesn’t want him to come with her. She needs to go alone. His response? “Did you also see that it was a layover? On my way to Thailand”. OUCH.
In other news, Caleb is the sweetest guy ever. He went to New York to apply for an information risk analyst job, which pays enough to cover Hanna’s tuition fees and a place for the happy couple to live. SO CUTE. Oh, and Sara turned up. She told Emily, “This is where I felt I should be. I didn’t want the night to pass without at least one great dance - with you”. Kind of cute.
Back to Charles! Guess who is a cop? CLARK. Cornered by the group as they all went after Alison, he was forced to admit that he was working undercover. He flashed his badge, causing Emily to exclaim “Is it true? Is that real?”. Stupid question number one. Then, as they all ran around, she asked Aria “You really had no idea?”. Stupid question number two. Could we not have kept it at zero Em?
They may have lost Ali, but she FINALLY found Charles. Okay, he found her. Same difference. Her reaction when he revealed his face has confused me. It was more ‘omg’ than ‘OMG’. Does that mean Charles isn’t someone we thought was dead? And it had a ‘you’ve got to be kidding me’ vibe. So is it someone we would least expect. I DON’T KNOW!
P.s. Lorenzo came! Yay!