*All of our episode recaps contain spoilers*
I was off base. So horrifically off base. But I did figure out the ‘child avenging father’s death’ plot before it featured in the storyline, so that’s something. Admittedly, it was the wrong father… Oh, I give up. I don’t know what’s what or who’s who anymore. Shows like this are really starting to hurt my ego.
The finale began where the penultimate episode ended – at the Halloween dance. Sheriff Hudson’s demise continued to be broadcasted as the students were put on rec centre arrest. The only one doing anything of use, deputies included, was Noah, who was trying to locate the killer by pinpointing the live signal sent through his AV system. Brooke, Audrey, and the other house party hooligans were unaware of the turn the night had taken; and so Emma tried to contact Brooke, and vice versa, but their game of text tennis was hindered by the killer. “The malware doesn’t just access webcams. It turns off ringers and notifications”, for which I am grateful. Brooke sent Emma a text saying, ‘The party isn’t the same without you. Get over here.” That is a dangerous message. We can’t have Emma thinking she is the life and soul of a party.
Given the choice, which party would you go to; a chaperoned school dance, a house party/alcohol fest, or the killer’s horror show? Should you need help choosing, the killer promised that his party was going to be gut-wrenching. SOLD. I am mindful that is not a healthy point on which to be won over, but I am aware of my problem and that is the first step to recovery. The killer also presented Emma with a challenge; “Can you put all the pieces together in time to save him? Or will Daisy’s heart be broken the way she broke Brandon’s?”
Sadly, my chosen host has put me in a moral quandary. On the one hand, he kept his word regarding the horror show. On the other hand, he proposed the challenge in the knowledge that it could not be fulfilled. Emma talked her way out of rec-centre arrest and went to the station, where her mother was investigating the staged escape. In the mouth of the murdered deputy, the two found a necklace Brandon had made for Daisy. Margaret told Emma that he use to leave her gifts in the tree behind her house, causing a lightbulb to appear above her daughter’s head. To the tree they went, and there was Sheriff Hudson, chained to Brandon and Daisy’s past. While she and the deputies cut him free, he told her that something wasn’t right; and as the chains fell to the ground, so did his insides. It was gut-wrenching in the truest sense of the word. But, as Margaret said, “the bastard just kept him alive so he could watch me try to save him. And then he had me kill him”. Not cool, man. Not cool.
From this point forth we’re going to be jumping between people a lot, so keep your wits about you. Let’s start with Brooke and Audrey. Yes, you read it right. The latter was the only guest in attendance of whom Brooke could bear, and so officially became her favourite person at the party. The two bonded and it was truly beautiful. Who would have thought Brooke would come to be one of my favourite characters? But how could I not love someone insults a person by saying, “she’s literally dumb as toast.” She was referring to Jake’s arm candy. Ah, Brake. That is the name I just created for them. They are so cute, trying to make one another jealous by kissing human toast.
We need a crime fighting name for Emma. I used up my creative prowess on ‘Brake’, so I’ll leave that up to you. The Virgin isolated the signal to 1221 Sparrow Drive – Brooke’s house. The killer warned Emma that the involvement of cops would cause more blood to be shed, and she didn’t need to be told twice. She took the future of her friends into her own hands, much to the dismay of her partner. “Well, if this is the final showdown, the killer is going to try and take out every single one of your friends, one by one, until you’re the only one that’s left. Because you’re the survivor girl, which makes me the know it all side-kick. Oh, crap. I’m going to die”. No, you’re not. “Tonight, we change the ending”. LOVE IT.
Back to Brake. Jake apologised to Brooke for his stupidity, and they looked set to sail off into the sunset until he confessed that it was him who spied on her last episode by way of her webcam. It was not, however, for a perverted reason. Okay, it was not ONLY for a perverted reason. “The spyware was deleted, and then somebody put it back up. I was just trying to figure out who.” Let’s meet halfway and say he is a jackass in shining armour. Meanwhile, Jake’s arm candy found a dead body in the pool house and all but Audrey vamoosed. She came face
to mask with the killer, looked him straight in the eye holes and said “What are you waiting for?” And that is why she is the Bi-curious to The Virgin. That didn’t sound as I hoped it would… but anyway, girl got knocked out.
As for our host, she was in for some killer induced excitement of her own. Who else but Branson should join Brooke on her self-proclaimed rock bottom. Contrary to our killer, who gatecrashed the party, Branson waited until the good times were over before making an appearance. His pleas of assistance and proclamations of love were wasted on Brooke, who locked him out of the house and threw him to the wolves - or wolf, rather. Committed to his horror show, our killer came back and this time his sights were set on Brooke.
If ever there was a poor place to hide oneself from a killer, it is a freezer. He/sheneed only lock you in and turn it on and you are, for lack of a more fitting phrase, screwed - as Brooke was. If not for the impeccable timing ofNoah, Emma, and Kieran. That’s right - “Reunited and it feels so good.” As we know, Emma and Noah were at the house to kick ass and change endings. Kieran, however, came in the name of love (courtesy of some sneaky texting by the killer), and love prevailed! But not before Emma; one, accused him of being Brandon James Junior, and two, told him that Hud was dead. Tough night for hotstuff Hudson.
Fences mended, the trio went in search of their friends - crowbar, gun, and kitchen knife at the ready. This scene of the horror show was rather boring, but what is a show without a tedious filler. In fact, the killer needed Emma to have some wins for the finale to be all the more spectacular. So he allowed Jake to be a jackass in shining armour once more and save Brooke and he allowed Audrey to escape. Both would be insignificant when she realised he had her mother. Excuse me, I mean their mother.
I am not going to attempt to describe my shock when it can be so perfectly summed up by a quote straight from the mouth of the killer; ‘I seriously wish you could see your face right now. #MindBlown”. PIPER IS THE CHILD. WHAT?! I know a lot of you guessed as much, but I am pretty sure I gasped so loudly that my jaw clicked.
Now, Piper’s horror show did not end as intended. Luckily, she bragged about it before it all went so terribly wrong. The story was set to end where it began - the dock at Red Lake, and it did so. But that is where they went off script. This is what should have happened; “Branson slits Emma’s throat in front of mom before spilling moms guts. But not before Emma gets a good stabbing with the knife that she has hidden behind her back. So then I’m going to stumble out of the blood bath and I’m going to broadcast to the world that the Lakewood slasher is dead.”
This is what actually happened, written in like with Piper’s narrative: Piper slits Emma’s stomach in front of mom before stabbing mom in the stomach after she escapes from restraints. Emma is about to die when Audrey shoots me. I fall into the water, resurface because I am hardcore, and then Emma shoots me in the head. So then police are going to search the water for my body and no one is going to find me.”
“Audrey?”, you exclaim! Yes, Audrey. Apparently she saw Emma run into the woods, or so she has led everyone to believe. But as Noah guest podcasted the final chapter of Autopsy of a Crime and each storyline was wrapped up with a bow, Audrey’s was burst wide open. Not only did she have letters of correspondence to and from Piper, she had the information that was stolen from the evidence room! SAAAY WHAAAAT?!