*All of our episode recaps contain spoilers*
“That which doesn’t destroy us makes us stronger. Yeah, or it just takes its sweet time destroying us”.
Well, hasn’t cosmic justice been a busy bee? And a clever one at that! Not only did it punish Emma in like fashion for her involvement in Audrey’s video, but Sheriff Hudson has been removed from the case and replaced by an unwelcome figure from his past - Detective Lorraine Brock. Detective Brock works for the state police in the special task force division, but who really cares about her credentials? What’s more important is how much she irritates Hud. When Mayor Maddox told the sheriff he was being put on a temporary leave of absence, she said “Don’t take it personally, Hud. There’s been a certain loss of confidence in you”. Ohhhhh! In goes the knife! Then, when Hud (I admit, I’m obsessed) said they need everyone they have working on the case, she replied “Agreed. I’d appreciate your help enforcing the curfew”. Knife twisted! Welcome to Lakewood, Brock. Happy to have you.
Language arts lacked a Noah narrative this episode, but he did liken the mutation and spread of Emma’s video to a crazy zombie sex virus, so I am satiated. The theme of the class was The Scarlett Letter by Hawthorne, and the scene exemplified the disparity between Hester Prynne’s era and our own. As Mr. Branson spoke of the puritanical bullying to which she was subjected, the class received a picture of Emma and Will, captioned ‘Fastest gun in Lakewood ;)’. I wonder which genius came up with that. What it showed, however, was the ease with which we ruin a person’s life. What once took a town nine months, now takes us mere seconds.
Emma diffused the situation by reminding the class that a candlelight vigil was being held that night in remembrance of the deceased. Good for you, girl! But still, “people are dicks” - Kieran’s words, my thoughts. That’s right, hot stuff Hudson is back! I must say, he is creepier than usual. I mean, he still takes my breath away when he smiles; but I’m getting a definite killer vibe. Emma confided in him about how afraid she is and how everything she does backfires, to which he responded “Emma, just remember, you don’t have to afraid”. Do you know who replies like that? A killer.
Better to be too suspicious than not suspicious enough. Speaking of which, Piper talked to Rachel’s parents, and they told her that Rachel was really intimidated by Audrey. According to them, Audrey could get Rachel to do things that she wouldn’t normally do. Now, I’m torn. On the one hand, I agree with Emma, who told Piper, “maybe that’s the only way her parents could justify their daughter liking a girl”. On the other, I can’t give Audrey the benefit of the doubt and not Kieran. Wait… yes I can. Sorry, mini Hud.
Emma may be done with the killer, but he isn’t done with her. While she was eulogising Riley, she received a text from him – a video of her talking to detective Brock, taken only moments earlier. It was followed by another text; “tell that cop about me and you’ll get your mom’s heart in a box”. So, Emma kept quiet. She explained away the phone calls as a ‘Brandon James crank’ trying to scare her. In an effort to elicit more information from Emma, Brock told her that Rachel’s staged suicide was a message for the medical examiner. She went on to say that it is no coincidence that her mom is the M.E; that her father is the only surviving victim of Brandon James, and that her photo was found at the hospital. I hate it when people state the obvious. Thank you for the unnecessarily wasting my time. I can’t wait to not get it back ever again.
On a happier note, we now have a new way of calling someone crazy – “full verge of Chihuahua”. Thank you, Jake. He was referring to Brooke 2.0 - “less bitchy, more truthy”. Finally acquainted with the feeling of guilt, Brooke decided to ‘come clean’ about a dirty done deed. “Freshman year, before we were friends… you were this pristine Pollyanna type, and Nina thought you needed to be taken down a peg. Will said he thought you were cute, and so Nina bet him that he couldn’t sleep with you inside of a month. He took the bet, walked over to you, and…” He invited her to his game. The first time they ever talked. I don’t know who to hate more, Will or Nina?
While Brooke did irreparable damage to Will and Emma’s relationship, he and Jake collected the blackmail money from Mayor Maddox. The drop was at an abandoned factory, and upon arriving Maddox received a text to get in the lone car. Jake did not appreciate the $90,000 deficit, and so he smashed the Mayor’s head into the steering wheel, breaking his nose. Macho Maddox came out to play, but Jake brought a knife to the game, so he went as quickly as he arrived. With a one day time frame in which to get the rest of the money, the mayor left, bloody-nosed and broken-spirited. As for Will, the designated guard, Jake’s rogue behaviour awakened his morals and he decided he longer wanted to be involved in their scheme.
Time to check in with our crime fighting duo. Bi-curious and The Virgin have been busy indeed! Noah got Audrey to download the language arts homework from the school server onto her phone; and when she did, her face appeared on his laptop. Why you ask? Well, Noah tron-ed his way into the root directory and found ‘some pretty nasty malware’. Said malware allows you to access webcams, security systems, and phones, and it is all attached to the language arts homework. “So Branson hacked peoples’ webcams and Nina kept the files?” I don’t buy it. After self-defence class (in which Audrey opened a can of whoop ass on Will), the two went to snoop on Mr. Branson’s laptop. Noah found two other user I.Ds – Riley and Tyler. Both had access to the website. Their theory is that Mr. B killed all three to keep his dirty secret. Hmm, still not buying it.
We had some good one-liners this episode! The first goes to Piper, who told Emma, “Life is like Charlie Brown and his football – that bitch Lucy keeps yanking it away but you gotta keep kicking it”. Life yanked away Piper’s father when she was a child. The police never solved the case, which is why she does what she does. The second goes to Emma, who rebuffed Will’s apologies with this gem, “you sound like a bad romantic comedy. Except we didn’t meet cute. We met sick-twisted”. Yes, you did.
From here forth we will call Jake ‘Weasel’. He does not deserve his name. Bitter because Will beat him up, he told Brooke about the video of her dad; but, of course, failed to mention his culpability. “I don’t know how or why, but Tyler and Nina had a video of your dad doing things he should not have been doing. Now, I have not seen this video, but I know they were blackmailing him with it. After they died, Will kept the video, and he picked up where they left off”. Oh, Will. All hope is lost my man. Mayor Maddox watched this conversation from his security footage cameras. I don’t like Will, but I’ll be damned if Weasel gets away with this. As for the video; it is of the mayor removing a body from the trunk of his car, date stamped the day after Brooke’s mother left! Who cares about innocent till proven guilty? The mayor killed his wife!
Our masked killer has paused his slaying, but not his torture of Emma. He called to remind her that her life is his game, and when he says it is over, she loses. And that is why I don’t answer unknown numbers. It’s not all bad. She got to kiss hot stuff Hudson. Actually, she got to do a lot more than that. He took her to an empty field, far away enough for no one to hear, and taught her how to shoot. Well, that was the intention. They ended up fooling around instead. Natural progression, I guess. But I stick with that I said earlier, Kieran is being creepy.