*All of our episode recaps contain spoilers*
Hi, I’m Lauren, and I’m a Noah narrative addict. It’s been three episodes since my last narrative, and I am really struggling. This episode was particularly hard because it began with an ‘It was only a dream’ scene – the Sara Harvey of scenes. Damn this dream for bringing out the analyst in me. I have to do it, I’m sorry.
An amatory evening with Kieran gave Emma a new burst of courage, and she asked him to take her to Brandon James’ house. The dilapidated abode of our infamous killer had one sign of life in it – a fresh daisy. The flower is obviously symbolic of Emma’s mom. (I’m good at this, right?). A Lakewood Chronicle edition of the massacres laid upon a table and Emma stupidly remarked, “This is where it all started." Yes, it all began in the HOME of the killer. Well done, Emma. At this point, Kieran disappeared and she received a phone call from her killer. “Oh, sweet, naïve Emma. He even made you think it was your idea to come here." This signifies Emma’s worry that no one can be trusted. Her escape attempt was thwarted by a LATCHED door (Emma, you’re really testing my patience this episode), and so she ran back into the house, straight into the knife of the killer. As the killer leaned over her, she removed the mask, revealing herself to the enemy. “It ends with you." My interpretation of this ‘shock’ unveiling is that she blames herself for the deaths of her friends. She believes herself to be just as guilty, if not more so, than the killer, as his game is premised on his obsession with her. It began with her, and she will be the last one standing. In reality… well, let’s just say both of the Hudson boys got lucky.
As for Will’s luck, Piper offered him an opportunity to change it for the better. “See, the problem with being a nice guy is that screw ups look so much worse on you because you’re decent." His royal screw up is rather unflattering. To atone for what he did, she proposed that he come on her podcast and tell her all the stuff that Nina was doing. He could own his part. Take responsibility. “Everybody loves a redemption story."
I wonder if Mr. Branson will be in need of one soon. Noah looked into ‘Mr. Seth Branson’ and of the four he found, none were his Mr. B. Seth Branson, language arts teacher, didn’t exist until he moved to Lakewood, and as Noah said, you only change your name if you have something to hide. We have two theories; One) Mr. B is the masked murderer. “Cops turn themselves inside out searching for logical suspects, but we could just be looking at your garden-variety psychopath." Two) Mr. B was being manipulated by Nina. Perhaps she discovered his secret and blackmailed him into planting the malware. If it is the latter, everyone she trolled has motive. In other words, everyone and anyone is a suspect.
But the suspect under police scrutiny is Audrey. To quote Detective Bumptious (Brock’s new name), Audrey is “someone with clear motive and opportunity”, and is “a suspect that was right in front of you both this entire time." She is speaking of Marg and Hud, but I take offence! Yes, Audrey had motive. Yes, she had opportunity. And yes, you did find her skin cells and hair fibres at the hospital. But that doesn’t mean she is guilty! I’m not arguing a strong case, am I? But my instinct is strong and instinct trumps evidence!
Audrey was brought in for questioning, or rather, subjected to Bumptious’ love of the obvious. She asked Audrey where she was the night of the 30th – the night ‘Audrey’s face suck extravaganza’ was uploaded – just so she could confirm that the only person who could verify Audrey’s whereabouts is now dead. Hud burst in like a badass at this point and put the interrogation on hold; but at the arrival of Audrey’s dad, Bumptious picked up where she left off. She voiced the following theory; “You and Rachel were making a movie the night of Nina’s murder, and Nina’s killer posted a GIF online of it, so someone was filming the murder. Why not the two girls that Nina had just humiliated only two hours before?” I don’t remember Audrey telling her that they were making a movie that night. She’s right, they were; but she doesn’t know that for sure, so I call conjecture! I should have been cast as Audrey’s lawyer. Alas, I will have to pretend.
Detective B asked Audrey for the footage from her camera on the night of Nina’s murder, knowing that if Audrey refused, she had a warrant to search the house and obtain it herself. Luckily, The Virgin and Emma came to the rescue. Audrey called Emma and asked her to go to her house and destroy the SD card, specifically asking her not to watch it. She tried Noah first, but he was busy with Mr. Branson. Our genius programmed an app on his phone to record fingertips, and he got Mr. B to input his number into his phone under the ruse they may need to discuss homework. “We can find out if our beloved Mr. White is actually Heisenberg”. I can’t believe he made a Breaking Bad reference. I love this guy.
Emma and Noah got the SD card, but it was a close call. Well, not really. The police are useless, so it was a sure thing. Needless to say, they didn’t destroy it. I mean, if someone tells you not to watch something, you have to watch it, right? Isn’t that a universal law? What’s more, “that guy who’s been calling me? He should be rubbing this in my face right now. But since Audrey was taken in, I haven’t heard one thing”. Watch it! Watch it! Watch it!
Okay, first go answer Bumptious’ questions. We found out that Audrey’s mom is in Boston having cancer treatment, as Emma said that Audrey asked her to call her mom before her dad overreacted and freaked her out. When Emma wouldn’t give any more information, detective B came out with a vicious zinger! “If Audrey goes free and someone else dies, you are just as guilty as she is”. ME-OW.
So, I now understand why Audrey didn’t want Emma to see the video. Is there any way we can spin the following rant of hers in such a way that it doesn’t sound like premeditated murder? “She has been torturing me my entire life. Not anymore. People like Nina dump on everyone and you know what happens to them? Nothing. They marry billionaires, and wear Prada in their climate trashing yachts. Because karma doesn’t just happen. Sometimes you have to take it into your own hands. Tonight, I am Shiva the Destroyer, and I am coming for that sorry bitch. When I’m done, she’ll never bully anyone ever again”. Let’s be logical. This is a slasher TV show. This video is not proof that Audrey is guilty; it is proof that she is innocent. There we go, spun and dusted.
Guess who finally opened up? Margaret! She took Emma to her old house and told her the truth about ‘Bran’. He used to leave her gifts, carvings, and drawings of her. In return, she would write him notes. “He wasn’t a monster” – he was her friend. In high school, he knew that she and Emma’s father were having problems; and on the night of the Halloween dance, he went to convince her that she deserved better. A friend overheard the conversation and told Kevin, and thus began the fight and subsequent slaying. She did leave him a note to meet her on the dock, but not on the bidding of the police. Margaret doesn’t believe Brandon snapped. “I’ve always felt that if I had stood up for him, if I had told the police that the person that I knew couldn’t have done those things… He’d still be alive”. She told Emma the story because she doesn’t want her to make the same mistake. “If you believe in your heart Audrey couldn’t do this, you listen to that, or you’ll always regret it”.
So what did Emma do? She gave Audrey a false alibi. She admitted that Audrey wanted to hurt Nina, but told Detective B that she stopped her before she had the chance. When Bumptious said that Audrey didn’t mention seeing her that night, Emma told her that Audrey was covering for her. She confessed about her role in the infamous video, and fabricated the promise that Audrey would not tell anyone, hence her failure to disclose their meeting. The look on Bumptious’ face. PRICELESS. As for why Audrey kept the video, she told Emma that it was a reminder never to let herself lose control like that again; and it was also one of the last video’s she had of Rachel. What did I tell you? Instinct over evidence!
And to end, an unlikely alliance. A threat on his life by Weasel prompted Will to take Piper up on her offer. He organised a meet with Mayor Maddox, and Piper hid in the shadows, getting the story first hand. Will returned the money they had thus far obtained and gave him the last existing copy of the video. Maddox gave him a thinly veiled threat - “Remember, there’s a killer on the loose” – or, if you’re a crime podcast host, a thinly veiled confession to being the murderer. It was all going so well. Too well. The duo got locked in the abandoned factory, and as they looked for a way to escape, the masked killer appeared! He stabbed Will in the stomach, and Piper fell, knocking herself out on a rock. Instead of finishing the job, he dragged our fifth victim away. So, I can’t say slashered… What about slash? #SLASH.